January 27, 2013

1.7 //I fell in love with fall

//Confession: I fell in love with fall.

Fall in Virginia made me feel like a kid again. It caused me to Google at least 3 questions a day about trees. Do leaves turn the same color every season? Why are some trees leaves more than 1 color? What causes leaves to change?... I could go on. 

The autumn season here blew my Floridian brain. The concept of fall in the past has been rolling down the windows and putting boots on anytime it is below 77 degrees. But being Virginia in October gave me a new understanding of the season. I hate to say it but Florida does not experience fall. There was a stretch of three weeks where I watched entire trees go from green to bright yellow to orange or red. Fall trees are so amazing.

I couldn’t help but think that God is the coolest artist ever. His efforts are never half done. When you stand before a half red half yellow tree, it seems so intentional and creative. I forget that about Him. Especially in my moments of self-doubt. When I feel insecure and don’t fit in—in those moments I question why. I lose sight of the beautiful tree and focus on the weird mismatching leaves.

One morning, I sat on the porch swing and watched a huge beautiful oak tree in the distance. It was a burgundy color at its very top and slowly faded into a mustard yellow.  I was watching the breeze rustle through it and one by one, like butterflies, leaves floated from the branches.

"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex,"  I thought, still staring at the leaves fluttering to the ground. The verse was from Psalm 139, a prose about the beauty of being uniquely made by God.  In that moment I found myself grateful for the complexities that make me who I am, that differentiate me from any other Lauren. Talents, personalities, skills, colors—each person holding unique and intricate differences. 

After fighting for so long to understand myself and figure out why I am the way I am, I decided to fall into it. 

I am thankfully complex//

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